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Star Trek Cliches All Jokes    Fwds Home
Top 30 Trek cliches of all time
 

30. Any two incidents that happen on a planet will always happen within walking distance of each other. This could be two shuttle craft crashing or landing; a [crash] landing that happens to be near a party of characters
already on the surface, etc.

29. Corollary: Whenever a party of characters beams down to the surface of a planet, the are guaranteed to arrive at the one place on the planet where something unusual is about to happen.

28. The incident that happens to the characters always happens within minutes of their arrival.

27. No matter what else goes wrong or gets damaged, two systems will *always* keep working on a starship: The view screen and the artificial
gravity.

26. All space-faring civilisations have view screens and artificial gravity. All view screen technology is compatible, even between craft from
opposite sides of the galaxy. (none of the PAL vs NTSC type problems we get now...)

25. If you are introduced to a new character, and it is not one of the first three episodes of a new series, that character is certain to die
before the end of the series, usually before the end of the episode. Mentioning the fact that they have a family or friends will speed this up
further.

24. Damaged systems can be repaired quickly and easily, just by diverting power from some other system.

23. All computer consoles, especially ones on the bridge, have major power conduits running immediately behind them which explode violently if the ship takes just a couple of hits. Despite this, they will still work perfectly if you return to them after being blasted ten feet in the air.

22. All computer consoles have dozens of buttons, very few of which are actually labelled. No wonder you need to go to acadamy to learn how to fly these things.

21. However, if an alien race wants to take over the ship, they will be able to understand exactly what every control does. Similarly, the star-trek
crew will be able to understand the control panels of any alien ship they happen to be in.

20. For some reason, Photon Torpeoes and phaser blasts are not guided. Four out of five end up missing their target. Very wasteful. Fortunately, none of the aliens have developed guided weapons yet either.

19. The Warp Core is a seriously unstable device, which regularly has to be expelled into space for safety reasons, can "breach" with seemingly little provocation, fills the room with dangerous gas/plasma/etc when the slightest thing goes wrong with it, and yet most of the main characters spend a lot of time standing right next to it, even though the controls could easily be re-routed to any other part of the ship.

18. Characters can often be seen looking down or across into a communications view screen. But whenever you see anyone on your own view screen, they're always looking straight ahead into it.

17. All alien cultures have space craft and buildings with sliding doors (which make a 'whoosh' sound when they open). The only exceptions to this are primitive people, who generally have open doorways or at best material
covered doorways. Hinged doors seem to have no place in the galaxy... execpt for 20th century Earth.

16. Universal Translators allow you to understand anything anyone says, but you can still swear in Klingon, and it won't get translated. Likewise,
if you're explaining something about your native culture, you can speak words from your native langauge, and then follow it up by explaining the
literal translation... which assuming with the universal translator is working, and you're speaking your native language anyway, would be exactly what you said in the first place... Hmmm....

15. Apart from the odd outburst in native Kingon, Star Trek characters never swear, or even come close to doing so, even when their ship is being
blown to peices.

14. Despite having "interia dampers" which can overcome the forces involved in jumping to warp 9 from a standing start, the slightest jolt from
an external source (weapons, turbulence, etc) can throw the entire crew out of their seats.

13. Alien races are almost without exception humanoid, breath the same atmosphere, and eat the same food as us. It's even possible to successfully breed between any two species.

12. Humans are the only race in the galaxy who's species name does not correspond to the name of their home planet.

11. All alien names (planets, species and individuals) would score extremely well in Scrabble. Lots of Zs, Ks, Xs and Vs. but strangely, they're still usually pretty easy to pronounce.

10. Time travelling always involves the planet Earth, usually going to the 20th century, and you often land up in the middle of a major historic
event. (See also point 30 - you will always end up landing right in the middle of this event (and disrupting it), no matter where in the world it's
happening).

9. Also, considering that time travel hasn't been 'invented' yet in Star Trek, they do get to do a remarkable amount of it, but for some reason
none of these events has so far acutally lead to it's invention.

8. Most space craft have a suspiciously aerodynamic shape, despite being designed for space flight, and never going near an atmosphere.

7. Most space craft have the bridge located at the front or top of the ship, even though they use the view screen to see everything and have no
windows, or any other reason to be in such a dangerous place. (it's always the first thing to get blasted when the fighting starts)

6. Star Fleet engineers can solve any problem. I mean *anything*. They always give an estimate on how long a repair will take. Their captain always
gives them half as long, and they always manage to get it done in that time. Maybe they deliberately double all their estimates?

5. In space, no-one can hear you scream.... but starships still manage to make a rumbling sound as they fly by.

4. All planets - and even some asteroids - have exactly the same gravity.

3. Any time an unrecognised female makes their presence felt, Kirk or Riker will immediately fall in love with them.

2. The attrition rate among low ranking crew members makes you wonder how anyone ever gets past their first year on board. But yet somehow the senior officers always survive, despite putting themselves in just as much danger.

1. "Her (continuing) five year mission, to boldly split infinitives that no man has split before."


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Sep 19/2018 - 4:58am EST