- IN A LAUNDROMAT:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
- IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE:
Bargain Basement Upstairs
- IN AN OFFICE:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
- IN ANOTHER OFFICE:
After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
- ON A CHURCH DOOR:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
- OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
- QUICKSAND WARNING:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
- NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
- IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW:
Closed due to illness.
- SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK:
Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
- SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
- NOTICE IN A FIELD:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
- MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
- ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR:
We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
- SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.