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Some jokes about Mathematics and Science

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel sleeping when a fire broke out in their respective rooms.

The physicist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC, and began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to sleep.

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you -name-it, and after a few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed, "I have *proven* that I *can* put the fire out!"ven* that I *can* put the fire out!" He then went back to sleep.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want mustard with that?"

A Physicist, an astronomer and a mathematician are walking one day through the Scottish Highlands, when they chance to see a black sheep.

"Ah!" says the astronomer, "that shows that scottish sheep are black."

"No, come on, you can't say that from a single observation," says the physicist, "all you can say is that black sheep are found in Scotland."

"No," says the mathematician, "all you can say from this observation is that from the angle we are looking at it, at this point in time, this particular sheep, APPEARS to be black."

How do you prove that all odd numbers are prime?

Depends who you ask

Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime
1) If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true
2) The proof exists; you're reading it now.

From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime
3 is a prime
s are prime
3 is a prime
5 is a prime
7 is a prime
9 is not prime, experimental error
3 is a prime
5 is a prime
7 is a prime
by induction all the rest are prime
3 is a prime
5 is a prime
7 is a prime
9 is a prime

The engineer thinks of his equations as an approximation to reality.

The physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.

The mathematician doesn't care.

A student is sitting his Physics exam, and quite an important one at thatmaybe his final degree paper or his Oxford Entrance.

Anyway, one of the questions on the paper was to the effect of:

`Q: How could one measure the height of a building using a barometer?'

Being a wit, in the exam this chap puts:

Drop the barometer from the top of the building and time its descent. Using the formula `s = ut + a(t^2)/2' and knowing `a' which is `g' we can calculate the height of the building with reasonable accuracy.

He then goes on to describe in more detail the method he would use.

The examiners were a little concerned. Here was one of their star students giving an answer they hadn't at all expected.

So they decided to call him in and give him an oral test to decide whether or not to allow the answer which they did admit was perfectly valid.

So they called him in and told him he had 15 minutes to make his case. For ten minutes he said nothing but scribbled away furiously.

After these ten minutes the atmosphere was getting a little tensethis was meant to be an oral after all, and his degree (or whatever) depended on it.

When they pointed this out to him he said that he was just trying to get his thoughts in order as there were so many possible solutions. Here are some of the ones he came up with:

1: What you wanted me to do, of course, was measure air pressure at the top and bottom of the building, and from the difference and knowing the pressure exerted by a column of air of unit height I should be able to calculate the height of the building. But I thought that would be terribly inaccurate and the answer I gave in the exam and the following ones are all potentially more accurate.

2: Measure the length of shadow cast by the bulding and by the barometer on a sunny day. Knowing the actual height of the barometer one can compute the height of the building.

3: Tie the barometer to the end of a long bit of string and lower the barometer from the top of the building to the ground. Measure the amount of string payed out and you have the height of the building.''

He then gave several more but ended with:

`The best method by far, though, would be to go to the building's janitor and say `If I give you this shiny new scientific barometer will you tell me how high this building is?'

The student passed his exam.

Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops. The three atonished men try to solve the problem:

- The physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque. It has overloaded the elasticity limit of the main axis.

- Engineer says : Let's be serious! The matter is that it has burned the spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo of the radiator. I can easily repair it by hammering.

- Computer scientist says : What if we get off the car, wait a minute, and then get in and try again?

A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

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Nov 14/2018 - 12:30pm EST