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  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
  • Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
  • A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
  • Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
  • Do I look like a fucking people person?
  • This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • You! Off my planet!
  • Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
  • Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
  • Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
  • I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
  • Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
  • If I want to hear the pitta patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  • Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
  • I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
  • If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
  • See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
  • Better living through denial.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
  • Adult child of alien invaders.
  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
  • Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
  • I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
  • Back off! You're standing in my aura.
  • I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
  • Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
  • Adults are just kids who owe money.
  • One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
  • I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
  • I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
  • It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
  • I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
  • You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 2?
  • Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
  • Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong..
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  • Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
  • A woman's favorite position is CEO.
  • Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  • You look like shit. Is that the style now?
  • Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • Is it time for your medication or mine?
  • Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
  • I plead contemporary insanity.
  • And which dwarf are you?
  • I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
  • Meandering to a different drummer.
  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?


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Sep 19/2018 - 2:32pm EST