From: bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Tuesday, Dec. 11, 8:17 AM
Subject: The Cave
We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that.
Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says, "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says, "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung,
and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on Earth, OK? That means that, while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter around in the background.
Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Abdul, Muhammad, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots,