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Lawyers get Double Little Funnies

Lawyers get Double

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Lemmas, Laws and Principles L Index    Fwds Home
Various laws, quotes, sayings and ideas said throughout the ages
 



Naeser's Law:
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.

Adams's Corollary to Naeser's Law:
Anyone who designs anything foolproof has obviously underestimated the ingenuity of fools.

Lackland's Laws:
1. Never be first.
2. Never be last.
3. Never volunteer for anything.

Arthur's Laws of Love:
1. People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else. 2. The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person.

Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.

Johnson's Corollary:
Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Finagle's fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

H. L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's Extension:
Those who cannot teach -- administrate.

Baruch's Observation:
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.

Pohl's law:
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.

Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Murphy's Discovery:
Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to women? They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be all right." And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble!

Jone's Law:
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Parkinson's Fourth Law:
The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Gray's Law of Programming:
`n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as `n' tasks.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
`n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `n' trivial tasks.

Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention:
Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Newton's Fourth Law:
Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

Scott's second Law:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been wrong in the first place.

Corollary:
After the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.

Rule of Creative Research:
1. Never draw what you can copy.
2. Never copy what you can trace.
3. Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.

Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

Miksch's Law:
If a string has one end, then it has another end.

First Law of Socio-Genetics:
Celibacy is not hereditary.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Scott's Second Law of Parties:
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.

Ogden's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.

Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.

The three laws of thermodynamics:
* The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
* The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
* The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.

Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.

Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.

Fourth Law of Revision:
It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.

Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.

Tussman's Law:
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

The Third Law of Photography:
If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.

Ginsberg's Theorem:
1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Rules for driving in New York:
1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Corollary:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.

Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

Rule of Feline Frustration:
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.

Self Test for Paranoia:
You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.

Silverman's Law:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

Parker's Law:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.

Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London:
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.

Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Meskimen's Law:
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.


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Sep 20/2019 - 1:41am EST